I frequently told my children, “There’s nothing you can do so bad that will make me stop loving you. And there’s nothing you can do to earn my love. I just love you because you are you!” I occasionally remind them of that, although my youngest is 28.
I frequently appropriately touched my children. A loving, approving pat communicates love and acceptance. I also hugged my children frequently. There is no substitute for hugs for expressing love and acceptance. This seems to come naturally for mothers, but father-hugs are just as important. Fathers, hug your children!
Love for my children included discipline. The purpose of discipline is to teach that actions have consequences. Here were my quidelines:
- Discipline in love, not anger. Wait until I cool off.
- Remember the purpose – to help them remember not to do that again
- Do not administer physical discipline with a hand – hands are for expressing love and acceptance
- Allow the discipline to sting, but not wound
- Remember to communicate why you are administering discipline
- Remember to be sure to remind them afterward that you do love them – enough to do this
- Forgive
- Avoid pointing a finger at them. (That leaves three fingers pointing back at you!) Having a finger pointed at you can be threatening or demeaning.