On Transparency and Fear of Conflict

Navigating the Stormy Cs

“Why reinvent the wheel?” someone asked.  So often others say things better than I ever would, so I like to share quotes.  Here are two:

On fear of conflict

“Why are we so afraid of conflict? Because we associate it with combat. Why are we afraid of combat? Because we don’t want to get hurt. In the workplace, the fear of conflict stunts creativity, growth and collaboration. So, if we want to get those three important ingredients for productivity and job satisfaction back, we need to learn how to manage conflict effectively for all concerned.” – Karen Mattonen

On being real (transparent)

“To be transparent is a relief. Muddy water hides a host of unpleasant surprises. Clear water shows us the bottom of the sea-the rubbish and debris if they are there, but also the multicolored fish, shells, starfish. Honesty allows us to look into someone’s eyes and through them…

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Published in: on June 6, 2017 at 8:38 pm  Leave a Comment  

Another C

condescending

“Stormy Cs? What’s that about?” I’m often asked. “What are the Stormy Cs?” The focus is on two Cs: Change and Conflict, but others are addressed from time to time. Three others are Complaining, Criticizing, and Controlling. Another is Condescending.

When a person speaks to me in a Condescending way, I get irritable. Sometimes that person and I argue and have Conflict. How about you? How do you react to someone speaking to you in a Condescending way?

Sometimes I am made aware that I have spoken to another person in a Condescending way. Shame on me! When that happens, I must admit what I did, sincerely apologize, and ask for their forgiveness. That requires humility, doesn’t it?

Synonyms for Condescending include “haughtiness” and “arrogance.” Sincerely apologizing for Condescending requires that I acknowledge my arrogance and haughtiness and humble myself before the person I spoke down to.

The prefix “con,” as you probably know, means “with.” “Descending,” as you know, means going down. Condescending means speaking down to. I don’t like being spoken down to. How about you? Hopefully, I won’t do it ever again.

Published in: on July 15, 2015 at 11:59 am  Leave a Comment  

On a Pedestal

pedestal

A pedestal is defined as:

1. An architectural support or base, as for a column or statue.
2. A support or foundation.
3. A position of high regard or adoration.
(thefreedictionary.com)

Pedestals are designed to put something on display. The displayed item must always look good. It must be very still or it can fall. It cannot be too large, or it is unsteady–again in danger of falling. Its use is limited to being viewed, bragged about, and admired. It collects dust and can eventually be taken for granted. In the event of a fall, damage can occur; sometimes a fall results in being broken beyond repair, at least not without a scar.

Think twice before putting a person on a pedestal. People on a pedestal are at great risk of falling, being damaged, collecting dust, and being taken for granted. If I place perfectionist expectations on any person, I set myself and others up for disappointment.

Guidelines for Fully Living, Part 4

  1. Be still and quiet
  2. Do not interrupt
  3. Apologize
  4. Mind your manners
  5. Watch the watchers
  6. Go boldly where no one has gone before; do it.
  7. Shoulders back, chest out, head up
  8. Don’t take yourself too seriously
  9. Rest is as holy as work
  10. Practice, practice, practice (if you want to improve)

Guidelines for Living Fully, part 3

  1. Baby steps, slowImage
  2. Count the cost
  3. Selah
  4. Keep your eyes on the ball
  5. Wrist follow through
  6. Practice, practice, practice (if you want to improve)
  7. Give extravagantly
  8. Give 100% effort
  9. Network
  10. Collaborate


Rules for Fully Living, part 2

11. Honor confidentiality
12. Be appropriately transparent
13. Listen well
14. Grieve your losses fully
15. Confront evil
16. Honor differences
17. Hurting people hurt people
18. Trust your instincts
19. We teach people how to  treat us
20. Enjoy simple pleasures

Guidelines for Living Fully

I started a few months ago compiling some guidelines (rules, if you prefer) for living fully. I share a few with you below.

1. Be grateful
2. Rejoice
3. Smile and laugh often
4. Trust
5.  Don’t waste good
6. Tell the truth
7. Know when to cut your losses
8. Know when to say no
9. Know when to wait
10. Know when to say nothing

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DISCLAIMER: WordPress occasionally adds an advertisement at the bottom of my blog. Twice, I’ve been notified by readers that those ads were offensive. I am unable to view these ads, and I cannot delete them. I apologize and am attempting to prevent this from happening in the future.

Chuckology

Who wants to study Chuck? Why would anyone want to? He’s a nice guy and fun to be around; even I acknowledge that. He’s also interesting and has some great experiences to share. He likes people. Chuck is also human and can empathize with almost anyone. There are skeletons in his closet, but he doesn’t try to hide them–for the most part.

But study him? He doesn’t want anyone to study him. The very idea gives him the shivers. Chuckology? The suffix, ology = the study of.

Bio = life.

Biology = the study of life.

_________________________

Geo = the earth.

Geology = the study of the earth.

_________________________

Chuck = me.

Chuckology = the study of me.

Boring! Why not just spend time with me, get to know me. We might become friends. I’d like that. Yes, indeed.

_________________________

Theo = God.

Theology = the study of God.

Boring! Why not just spend time with him, get to know him. You might become friends. I’m told that he’d like that. Hmmmm.

____________________________________

DISCLAIMER: WordPress occasionally adds an advertisement at the bottom of my blog. Twice, I’ve been notified by readers that those ads were offensive. I am unable to view these ads, and I cannot delete them. I apologize and am attempting to prevent this from happening in the future.

Racial Discrimination

My friend and colleague is Portuguese.  He grew up in Dubai and spent most of his summers at his grandparents in India.  He rocks!  When he and I recently discussed his considering moving to the small town where I live, he shared a concern with me.

“What if,” he mused, “God-forbid, we have another 9/11?  Would I be in danger because of my skin color and physical features?”

Sadly, I had to concede that it might be a problem.  He’s neither Arabic nor Muslim.  But he could, by ignorant people, be mistaken for either of those.  Sad!

And, so what if he were Arabic or Muslim.  That should make no difference either.  Racial profiling and prejudice continue to prevail in this country.  Not just with Arabic and Muslim people, but with Hispanic, African American, Native American, Asian people, and others.  How embarrassing.  The land of the free?  Home of the brave?  Those discriminated against have been brave; the prejudiced have not!

On Transparency and Fear of Conflict

“Why reinvent the wheel?” someone asked.  So often others say things better than I ever would, so I like to share quotes.  Here are two:

On fear of conflict

“Why are we so afraid of conflict? Because we associate it with combat. Why are we afraid of combat? Because we don’t want to get hurt. In the workplace, the fear of conflict stunts creativity, growth and collaboration. So, if we want to get those three important ingredients for productivity and job satisfaction back, we need to learn how to manage conflict effectively for all concerned.” – Karen Mattonen

On being real (transparent)

“To be transparent is a relief. Muddy water hides a host of unpleasant surprises. Clear water shows us the bottom of the sea-the rubbish and debris if they are there, but also the multicolored fish, shells, starfish. Honesty allows us to look into someone’s eyes and through them into their heart.” – Joe Roberts